I want to apologize for being terrible at not posting on this blog. The truth is I have been engrossed in my own little private world lately, and have not given this blog the attention it deserves. I will make a proper post to it in the near future. Part of this will be to go over where I've been over the past month or so (coughminecraftcough), and the feeling that my return to Eve may very well be right around the corner.
I have had some great memories in Eve. Despite the drama and political bullshit that crept up on us, the truth is there are just some memories that I will remember very fondly for as long as my memory is in tact. There were some great players, many who have left since my joining Merciless., but they have all left me with some good memories.
Looking back on some videos and some killmails, I remember the joy and the adrenaline rush of a :good fight:. Not camping bullshit. Not bear raping. Proper, balls deep pvp. Regardless of who I am with or against, we all create these memories for ourselves and that is the beauty of it. I may not be FC material, but give me a good FC and I will follow them to death and beyond.
I know that, towards the end of our long spring to summer seasons last year, I was like fuel on the political fire. I was extremely devoted to the Merciless. vision to a point where I was even less resilient than the founder. Many who shared the vision had already left (correction: abandoned) and I was unwilling to put up with general bullshit. Behind the scenes, I was the bitching stone from all sides, trying to keep the morale of those most important to me high, failing often, and disappointed in my lack of impact on the same people who impacted me.
There was no way I would not burn out. The game itself did not burn me out. The people did. The disappointments, the leavers, the quitters, the backstabbers. The quitters cut into me the most, the people who shared visions with you who would turn and walk away. Listening to badmouthing and holding my tongue, knowing both sides of the story, knowing more than I should at times, I guess. It was a hard position to be in and my own value to the alliance disintegrated. I felt powerless to hold people together and felt that my presense or absence would have no difference.
So, when the only person I felt I could help was preparing to depart, I did as well. There was nothing left that I could do, my mind was melted and I felt a stranger to most of the alliance.
There is more to be said, but none of it worth saying now. The only thing that matters is it has been over four months since I said I was leaving. Some things have changed, some have stayed the same. The one thing that has stayed the same is how proud I feel every time I watch videos such as the one below (I did not make this one, credit to that goes to Daypitoum, thank you! 07).
This has been a rolling, ranting, dramatic post, but it only scratches the surface of how I felt most of the time.
tl;dr
Eve, I think I almost miss you. Merciless. I definitely miss you. Garst, get a working internets prz. Give me a good fight, I'll give you my laserz. Or projectiles. Or missiles...
